South Asian Americans in Tech: Addressing Mental Health Challenges
ROCKSTARS
Globetrotting rockstars.
As brave as can be.
They left family in India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Bangladesh and surrounding areas, in search of well-paying tech jobs in the West.
How’d they find themselves at this exciting juncture? Some had a passion for engineering at an early age, and realized it fits the way they think. Others felt pressured by their parents to become a doctor, an engineer or an IT professional, and regarded it as a means to an end..
So they ventured forth, often equipped with a STEM degree, sharp technical skills, a good command of the English language, and an ever-crucial H1B visa. Well-positioned to fulfill that dream.
FAST FORWARDING
Let’s fast-forward a bit.
The tech worker has now “arrived,” both physically and proverbially. Developing roots and building a life in the States, taking on a challenging role in tech.
The advantages are considerable: decent pay, work that may feel like a hobby, the prestige of a tech giant, the thrill of a small startup, etc. Not to mention the satisfaction of knowing that people benefit from your product.
THE OCCASIONAL HARSH REALITY
But sometimes, a harsh reality sets in.
And it can bring some unfortunate consequences: Stress. Burnout. Anxiety. Trauma. Loneliness. Depression. As a psychotherapist working extensively with the tech community in the San Francisco Bay Area, I’ve seen it.
My white male privilege prevents me from truly knowing what it’s like. But over several years I’ve been honored to hear their stories and witness their journeys.
This inspired me to put together a brief chronicle of mental health challenges that South Asian Americans face in the tech world.
What follows are five such challenges. Although each South Asian nation has its own rich culture, for the sake of consistency I’ll refer to the experience of those from India, the most populous among them.
1. Trauma from academic competition
As I’ve learned from many clients, the pressure to get into a top high school (and then a top university) in India was intense. They really felt it.
Looking around a classroom, they’d see peers who were also stressed, who were working just as hard.
They’d endure pressure from parents and teachers to study on nights and weekends. Failure was not an option. They’d hear about suicides among students, with exam failure being the reported reason.
Aiming to become a “topper” (those accepted into elite colleges), they might attend a coaching institute in Kota, far from home, far from their support system. Their parents may have made huge sacrifices to pay for it.
The fear and intense stress would reach a crescendo right before engineering entrance exams, such as JEE.
While many might regard trauma as a single huge incident (e.g. an auto accident), here’s what it really is: any set of circumstances that overwhelms our nervous system, leading us to feel unsafe, lacking control, isolated, etc. A set of conditions that we struggle to move through, with no opportunity to make sense of it in an adaptive way.
How does it show up? Years later, someone seeking therapy will discuss maladaptive beliefs (e.g. “I have to be perfect”) or behavior reflecting those beliefs (e.g. “I’m way too hard on myself”). They might report low self-esteem, detachment, disillusionment or burnout.
2. Pressure to keep a job
There are several reasons to want to keep your job.
When a work visa depends on a specific job, anxiety mounts. Finding another employer who would sponsor an H1B visa can be difficult.
Those who already have green cards still face the reality of a tight job market, with tons of tech layoffs since the pandemic. Not to mention the high cost of living.
These circumstances lead to incredible pressure to hold down a job, even if that means long hours, a team that’s less than ideal, an abusive manager, a project that’s not interesting, etc.
With the every-present worry about performance reviews, performance improvement plans and layoffs, who would dare set boundaries around their time? Things like good sleep, nutrition, exercise, meditation and therapy can seem impossible. Instead, being “on call” and always available may feel much more important.
What results? Anxiety. Health concerns. Burnout.
3. A harsh inner critic and/or perfectionism
In childhood, when we encounter struggles that lead us to feel unsafe, or cause us to feel overwhelmed, isolated or lacking control over what’s happening, the brain adapts by brilliantly creating survival strategies. When used repeatedly, these become “parts” of us, encoded in neural pathways that become more defined and more accessible.
Imagine a student walking into a classroom for an entrance exam, looking around the room at peers who are trying just as hard. They may think of a parent’s voice, shaming them for poor grades, or comparing them to peers. Something needs to get them through that moment. That external pressure becomes internalized out of necessity, and it’s easy to see how a “perfectionist” part can develop.
When that student is struggling with rote learning, another part might swoop in and criticize from within, in a valiant attempt to achieve top marks.
These parts have good intentions! They’re really just trying to help. Ensuring future success, pleasing the parents, preserving self-esteem… these are crucial.
But there’s a downside. These parts tend to strengthen over time, continuing into adulthood. They originally formed in response to an overwhelming situation that may have been experienced as as traumatic. Years later, those parts don’t know that the threat the child once faced doesn’t exist anymore. When similar circumstances arise (e.g. the threat of layoffs), these parts may reflexively swoop in, outside of awareness, and take over.
Problems arise when these well-intentioned parts have unwanted effects. I’m talking about overthinking and self-recrimination that make it hard to focus at work, impacting sleep, impacting mood, affecting relationships.
4. The ugly reality of discrimination
It goes without saying that bigotry and discrimination are everywhere. It’s a sad truth that anyone who appears different from “the norm” (the majority) will inevitably sense it and experience it.
Especially during a time when anti-immigration sentiment is (very unfortunately) on the rise.
What does this mean from a mental health standpoint?
Trauma. It doesn’t take an ethnic slur for someone to feel othered. From schoolyard taunts to uncomfortable glances to differential treatment in the workplace, this can be enormously upsetting, even overwhelming.
Isolation. Outside of the geographic areas that are blessed with strong South Asian populations, it can seem like there’s no one to talk to, that no one can relate. Add in a common cultural stigma around discussing mental health (see below), it’s easy to feel isolated.
Internalization. Let’s circle back to parts of us that spring up, in response to our circumstances. If one gets a message from the external world that they’re somehow “lesser than,” it may feel adaptive to adopt that same view, perhaps to avoid harm, or to simply fit in.
Disowning of culture. To make friends, to “fit in,” to get hired, to get ahead, there may be an inclination to abandon a style of dress, a cuisine, an accent, a religious practice, etc. In other words, shedding a South Asian identity.
5. Stigma around mental health
Again focusing on the experience within India, I’ve learned of a pervasive stigma around mental illness. As a result, it’s often ignored or minimized.
Research has revealed significant underutilization of mental health services in India, due to “stigma, discrimination, poor awareness about mental illnesses, poor help seeking, lack of trained professionals and below-part availability of services across the country.”
Those who seek help may be called “crazy” or “weak.” They may be told their concerns are “all in your head,” or due to supernatural causes (e.g. “black magic”) or spiritual causes.
I’ve also learned of a broader societal concern about what others in the community might think.
In many cultures, these beliefs are passed down through the generations, an understandable loyalty to family heritage.
In the case of tech workers, this means that many might “suffer in silence,” keeping problems to themselves. To their managers, their peers, their family and friends, everything may appear to be just fine. But privately and too often, negative patterns then intensify.
ADDITIONAL STUFF
For those who immigrated to the States and are now employed in tech, there may also be:
A sense of obligation to provide for parents, especially when they’ve made massive sacrifices for their kids to get ahead (e.g. paying for an expensive coaching institute);
A disconnect with their parents’ culture, sometimes manifesting in parental pressure to date someone of the same race, to honor their religion, etc.;
Guilt, shame and frustration stemming from enmeshed family systems that can stifle individuality and foster dependency;
An internal conflict between the need to feel autonomous, and the need to rely on parents;
Ambivalence over how much to assimilate into American culture, and how much “Desiness” to retain;
Disillusionment and lack of fulfillment in tech, if there was no natural interest in engineering or mathematics from a young age;
The adverse effects of nepotism in hiring and casteist slurs in Silicon Valley.
THE SOLUTION
If you see your own history in some of the above experiences, there is hope.
Getting in touch with what’s inside - thoughts, feelings and physical sensations - will help you get to know your “parts.” If there’s a harsh inner critic or a perfectionist that repeatedly enters your thoughts, let’s welcome it. This may be counter-intuitive, but let’s embrace it. It’s working hard on your behalf, for years believing that it had to.
Eventually it discovers that being “on guard” for you around the clock isn’t necessary, that it may not have to step in so automatically and reflexively. It may need to see that the old wounds are healed. That those adverse conditions that you once faced are now stored differently in the brain.
Back when that stuff happened, your nervous system was overwhelmed. This stunted your brain’s normal ability to take a raw experience and place it into a narrative, without it impacting your sense of self, how you see others, how you see the world.
With EMDR, we can “rewrite” the neural pathways associated with those events. Parts that you sense might be taking over too much (the one that feels not good enough, the one that has to be perfect, the one that criticizes from within) then see that the threat that existed back then doesn’t exist now.
Those parts may allow for more balance in your system.
You might soon discover that excelling at work is possible, without the harsh physical and emotional effects of anxiety, depression and burnout. It’s a wonderful thing.
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Andrew Kushnick is a Certified EMDR therapist who primarily works with clients in the San Francisco Bay Area, and was trained by the Parnell Institute in EMDR and Attachment-Focused EMDR. As a former practicing attorney, Andrew’s approach is practical and concrete, using science-based and evidence-based methods. Video appointments are available during afternoons and evenings. To schedule a complimentary 15-minute phone consultation, email andrew@andrewkushnick.com.
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REFERENCES
Böge K, Zieger A, Mungee A, Tandon A, Fuchs LM, Schomerus G, et al. Perceived stigmatization and discrimination of people with mental illness: a survey-based study of the general population in five metropolitan cities in India. Indian J psychiatry. 2018;60(1):24.
Clement S, Schauman O, Graham T, Maggioni F, Evans-Lacko S, Bezborodovs N, et al. What is the impact of mental health-related stigma on help-seeking? A systematic review of quantitative and qualitative studies. Psychol Med. 2015;45(1):11–27.
Shidhaye R, Kermode M. Stigma and discrimination as a barrier to mental health service utilization in India. Int Health. 2013;5(1):6–8.