Profiles in Tech, Part V: The Dev Whisperer
Welcome back to “Profiles in Tech,” a blog series focusing on the unique mindset of those who work in tech.
For the smart minds who are drawn to it, this field can be quite rewarding. There are also challenges, as with any industry.
As a psychotherapist working with clients in San Francisco, I’ve been fortunate to get to know engineers, designers, and founders, as well as other professionals (marketers, attorneys, etc.) who work for tech giants and small startups. Along the way, I’ve gotten a sense of how they feel about their work, how that work affects them, what keeps them up at night, and what motivates them. The emerging picture is fascinating and complex.
Each post within “Profiles in Tech” derives from an interview with someone who works (or has worked) within the industry. For the sake of anonymity, I use pseudonyms and change other identifiers.
In this edition, we meet Ana, a product manager. As with previous installments, I’ll first relay her story, and will then offer a few reflections from a mental health perspective. My goal is to explore this unique mindset, in depth.
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KEEPING IT ALL TOGETHER
14-year-old Ana had it all together. She had to.
With an overworked single mom, Ana was good at figuring things out on her own - how to ace her classes, how to cook for her younger siblings, even how to fix that electronic gadget that went kaput.
Not that her efforts went unnoticed; Mom would brag about her to whoever would listen. “The first in our family who’s going to college,” Mom reminded everyone.
For this family who left their native Honduras for Orlando, Florida, a strong work ethic was a given. “You have to make a name for yourself,” the message went.
What did this mean for Ana?
Homework assignments that were never less than perfect. AP classes galore. Extracurriculars to fill the afternoons.
It also led to overwhelm. “Being the one that had it all together was a lot,” Ana recalls. “I saved up for a bunch of gadgets, and they helped me cocoon for hours.”
THE MAKINGS OF A PRODUCT MANAGER
Cocooning for hours went beyond losing herself in videogames. Years before she became a product manager, Ana was replacing RAM in her laptop and jailbreaking her smartphone. She soon became “neighborhood tech support” being summoned by friends or relatives to speed up their slow PCs or set up their smartphones.
No surprise that this young talent would one day be anticipating the needs of 50,000 users of a web app, in her current role.
But before getting there, Ana was keeping it all together, perceiving that she had to be perfect. She opted for a psychology major, falsely believing she wasn’t smart enough to major in Computer Science. As she describes her thinking at the time, “Learn why people act a certain way? Learn how people think? Sign me up!”
The college years saw Ana adopting a “fun hobby” - teaching herself how to code. Tinkering with projects felt way more interesting than coursework. When her aunt needed a website for her notary business, Ana was on it. What she relished, she recalls now, was the challenge of building something functional to solve a problem.
Post-graduation, the coding knowledge was enough to land a Web specialist gig at an e-commerce site, and then a customer support role. Ana relished collaborating with devs, learning new technology, “seeing my ideas come to life.”
“YOUR APP IS SLOW”
These days, Ana’s got 50,000 users on her mind. As she monitors user behavior through behavioral tools and discovery sessions, and as she gathers customer feedback, what is she hearing? “Your app is slow.” “Your competitor is so much better.” “This page doesn’t work on mobile.”
Ana describes this as “taxing.” Despite loving her job, she feels the crush when user issues pile up. “There’s only so much time in the day, and only so many engineers to go around. You want to solve every problem and ship every possible solution, but you bump up against reality.” She’s been in the biz for 6 years, but laments the ever-present risk of disillusionment and burnout.
THE SKY IS NOT FALLING
Compounding the risk of burnout is everyone’s favorite: false emergencies.
The CEO will ask that a bug be fixed before 6pm, or to speak with the client outside of regular business hours. Both can actually wait until morning, yet the requests are urgent. It’s been a learning experience. By nightfall, she’d rather be doing yoga, reading, listening to music… anything but work. But how do you say “no” to the CEO, right?
PICKING UP ON SIGNALS
So that’s the bad stuff. What keeps Ana coming back for more? It’s the challenge of reading people… really reading people. Just as she aims to understand what users want, that also applies to the developers on her team.
And here’s where Ana’s self-described introversion really helps. Sitting in a meeting (even over Zoom), she picks up on signals, cues and opportunities that others might not see. Someone looks uncomfortable. Someone doesn’t love sharing about their work, or appears drowned out by stronger personalities in the room. She notices, and asks if they’d like to share.
Of course she can relate. Whether it’s face-to-face or over Slack, “All of the stimuli can be overwhelming - the faces, the voices, the chatter… so many inputs!”
Thankfully she’s gotten better at absorbing it all, and remembering to breathe. Taking it in slowly. She’s then able to provide space for her fellow introverts, making sure they’re heard, bringing them out of their shell. It’s something she’s proud of.
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COCOONING
Blessed be the gadgets. As young Ana fiddled with the RAM in her laptop, explored the worlds of “The Legend of Zelda” and later coded for her aunt’s website, that helped her withdraw from the pressure. In those moments, she didn’t have to be “the one who had it all together,” “the first one in our family who’s going to college.” She could just - be.
These screens served as a refuge for young Ana. On a physiological level, they regulate our nervous system, allowing us to zone out. Because we’re drifting into and absorbing ourselves in a solo activity, we may lose track of time or not notice anyone else. It’s a blissful form of self-soothing, and it’s called auto-regulation.
Is there a drawback? Sure. If we repeatedly rely on this method of easing our stress, to the exclusion of sharing with loved ones. In other words, shutting them out, “handling” everything ourselves. Another downside is if we become reliant on this one thing that numbs us, in effecting becoming addicted to it. Although there’s no indication that either of these are issues with Ana.
ALL NEGATIVITY, ALL THE TIME
Imagine hearing what’s wrong with your product (this thing that you represent) literally all the time.
Sounds depressing, right? All day long, you’re thinking and talking about inherently negative stuff… what’s wrong, what’s broken, what someone has a problem with, etc.
To provide some relief, Ana might want to “pendulate” between positive and negative throughout the work day. Reminding herself that the product doesn’t define her as a person. In other words, decoupling its performance from her professional worth. Focusing on how her team’s efforts make the user’s life easier. Taking regular breaks to self-soothe - think coffee, walks, friendly exchanges with coworkers. By doing so, she’s interspersing work with connection, belonging, and good old-fashioned self care.
THE SLIPPERY SLOPE
Recall Ana’s statement about the lack of resources to truly address the “crush” of user issues. in a way that feels timely. This resembles the predicament of many professionals dealing with volume. Their inboxes never really shrink to a manageable size. They feel guilty signing off for the day when anything isn’t fully completed.
This could easily lead Ana to view the customer feedback channels as menacing and never-ending sources of pain, but that would only invite burnout.
She might benefit from focusing on her team’s success with metrics (handling an impressive total per day). That would take her mental focus away from the sheer number of “pending” tasks… a psychological boost.
Also, by setting boundaries around her work day (e.g. “I’m going to get to whatever I can between 10am-6pm”), she’d be dictating the terms of “success,” prizing her mental health above all else.
A TRUE SUPERPOWER
As for her ability to sense what team members are feeling, Ana has every reason to be proud - it’s a superpower!
It’s possible that Ana may share traits with those of a highly sensitive person (“HSP”), 70% of whom are said to be introverts. Although this may conjure images of someone whose feelings get hurt easily, that’s not always the case. The actual definition pertains to sensory processing, and it’s never been classified as a mental health disorder to be diagnosed with. Instead, HSPs just process more information from their surroundings than other people do. This would fit with Ana’s remark about “so many inputs” leading to occasional overwhelm.
Why is this a superpower, especially for someone in a leadership role (i.e. a product manager)? Well, in meetings, rather than jumping in too early or shutting others down, they’re more likely to listen, observe and process. Studies show that in HSPs, there’s more activity in regions of the brain associated with attention, action planning, integration of sensory information, and decision making. Having taken in what the team is communicating, their decisions are guided by greater understanding.
In Ana’s case, this can only benefit her team, and her company. Picking up on signals that would otherwise go unseen, she makes space for those with more subtle, less demonstrative speaking styles. Feeling safe and feeling welcomed, these team members are more likely to contribute in the future. This allows Ana to integrate a diverse array of perspectives before making a decision. Pretty awesome!
This psych major turned product manager is certainly making a name for herself, making her family proud.
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This story is part of a larger series called “Profiles In Tech,” which explores the unique mindset of those who work in tech… their outlook, their concerns, and their quest for fulfillment. Stay tuned for future installments.
In case you missed it: Check out Part I, which chronicles one programmer’s struggle with what it means to be productive, and the important role that coding plays in his life. Part II introduces us to a front-end engineer who’s questioning whether coding is for him. Part III tells the story of a senior product manager who juggles left-brained technical proficiency and right-brained empathy with her direct reports. Part IV brings us a software engineer who’s working from home, coping with peer review and the pitfalls of communicating with coworkers over messaging apps.
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Andrew Kushnick is a psychotherapist who primarily works with clients in the San Francisco Bay Area. As a former practicing attorney, Andrew’s approach is practical and concrete, using science-based and evidence-based methods. Video appointments are available during afternoons and evenings.
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